MY BROTHER...THE MEMORIES....THE REGRETS....THE LESSONS.....THE LOVE
My brother, Daniel de Guzman was a very good man, he was also well liked and loved.
Just now I read a message from my sister-in-law, who told me that she dreamed about my brother, and in that dream he was already dead, but still kidded her about taking a diet. I told her not to be afraid, and she said she wasn't....
My parents-in-law says that every time they visit our house, it is my brother who greets them and spends time talking with them.....
A cousin says everyone will miss my brother, most esp. their family....
....there are several other stories, all in the same mode....simply put, my brother was always accommodating, warm, down to earth and simple....everyone feels special as he makes them feel that way....
During our first morning at the wake, while there were yet no visitors, I, and my sister Adeline were talking about our memories as young kids with my brother. Addie says she's having a hard time recalling anything, as I was the one so close to her.....but during the eulogy that I made about my brother, I suddenly recalled that yes, he took care of he as well, and was indeed very fond of her.....I, on the other hand recalled times when we would play with our "Match Box Cars.".....
During most of our adult life, we were at odds with each other, mostly because being a non-drinker, I could not comprehend his need / addiction to alcohol. I saw it destroy his dreams, his looks, his life....it destroyed our relationship and to a great extent our family.....but every time I would scold him about drinking, when he became sober, we'd patch things up and he'd go out with me, my wife, and my kids.....it was only this last year....when he was seldom sober, that our relationship took a turn for the worst.....but like I've said before, he was sick...his addiction to alcohol had affected his mind, that was a valid excuse.....I, on the other hand, was not sick.....I just couldn't fathom why he allowed himself to be destroyed and to a certain extent, I became arrogant about my stand....so he had an excuse, I didn't....so he was indeed a better man than I ever was.
My children all have good memories about him....but it's probably Niccolo who spent the most time with him....They would play toy guns together, they would put up his basketball ring together....and he proudly displayed some of Niccolo's toys in his room. Several months ago, when he was sober, he spoke to Niccolo and said....."This room will be yours some day, put a fresh coat of paint on it, and draw some awesome dinosaurs on the wall. The past few days, I would find Niccolo in my brother's room, just sitting there....I know he misses him terribly.....When my kids found out that their A-pe or uncle had died, they cried uncontrollably, but a few minutes before the cremation, it was Lizzie who cried the loudest and the longest...as she suddenly recalled their moments together, coloring and watching cartoons....my brother was the most patient when it came to watching cartoons with Lizzie....so when Lizzie was crying she was also saying..."I suddenly realized, that he's not going to come home with us anymore, we're not coloring together anymore.".... Whatever my brother had become due to alcohol, he was always good and caring to my kids.....he was a great and loving uncle.
During this last year, my father had become thinner and weaker, he admits to having a hard time sleeping, because he did not know how to handle my brother's sickness and the effect it had on all of us. He was the one person who never gave up on him....he was the perfect example of the father in the parable of "The Prodigal Son", a father who would never stop loving and accepting his child. ......I know he suffered every time I and my brother would fight....He cried, non-stop, for over an hour when he saw what alcohol had done to my brother.....he tried to find a solution, but..........so during the second night of the wake, right after my eulogy where I cried unabashedly while talking about my brother, my father approached, put his hand on the urn where my brother's ashes were, cried and told me..."Salamat anak!" (Thanks son!) He was probably happy to know that I kept my brother in high regard and that I still loved him.
My brother's threshold for pain was never high. Last year, he was the one who pleaded with us, to bring him to the hospital as he couldn't breath, an apparent hart attack......this time around, we asked him several times, my father even pleading with him, that we would bring him to the hospital, he refused....When I relayed this story to a neighbor, who was very close to my brother, during the wake....he said it must have been due to what he had said to my brother, when he saw him a week before his demise.....he scolded him saying...."You're drunk again, and you have become so thin and you're face is all swollen, and then you're going to brought to the hospital again. Don't you pity your dad and your brother?" Our next door neighbor said, my brother just bowed his head and turned away, and that was the last time he saw him. Perhaps..no, I'm sure, that this time around he decided he was going to be brave and not bother anyone anymore....He truly was my father's son.....his brave and courageous first son.
During the last Mass for my brother celebrated by Father Bernie, Father Bernie said...."Tell your loved ones of your love and express them while they're still alive." That struck all of us....so painfully and so truthfully, me in particular....for just the previous morning....while alone at the wake, I held on to the urn containing my brother's ashes and I spoke to him and said...."If I could only turn back the time.....I wish we hadn't fought so much.....I wish I had been more patient....I wish I had been wiser....I wish I had been more sensitive.....I wish I had told you that no matter what, we'd be brothers.....I wish...I wish.....now, I could only wish!
I have apologized to my brother when he was still alive and even now, I say sorry every day...but I still feel guilty....and this guilt has manifested itself as a lingering back pain....while going down the stairs one day, I spoke about this guilt with my daughter Mary Nicole, and she said..."Dad, it's God's will...He has taken away all of his pain."
I have been saying a Novena and the Rosary for my brother's soul every day...and I don't let a day pass by when I don't whisper "I love you Ahia!"
Father Bernard ended his Mass by asking everyone to bow 3x in honor of my brother. When I thanked him about this, he said..."Everyone deserves to be respected and honored." My brother certainly did deserve it!
DANIEL DE GUZMAN---I have only good memories about him.....I have a lot of regrets.....I learned a lot from him, his life and my life with him.....and I learned about true love from my father's love for him...and I know now in my heart that as brothers, wherever we are...we will always love each other!
My brother, Daniel de Guzman was a very good man, he was also well liked and loved.
Just now I read a message from my sister-in-law, who told me that she dreamed about my brother, and in that dream he was already dead, but still kidded her about taking a diet. I told her not to be afraid, and she said she wasn't....
My parents-in-law says that every time they visit our house, it is my brother who greets them and spends time talking with them.....
A cousin says everyone will miss my brother, most esp. their family....
....there are several other stories, all in the same mode....simply put, my brother was always accommodating, warm, down to earth and simple....everyone feels special as he makes them feel that way....
During our first morning at the wake, while there were yet no visitors, I, and my sister Adeline were talking about our memories as young kids with my brother. Addie says she's having a hard time recalling anything, as I was the one so close to her.....but during the eulogy that I made about my brother, I suddenly recalled that yes, he took care of he as well, and was indeed very fond of her.....I, on the other hand recalled times when we would play with our "Match Box Cars.".....
During most of our adult life, we were at odds with each other, mostly because being a non-drinker, I could not comprehend his need / addiction to alcohol. I saw it destroy his dreams, his looks, his life....it destroyed our relationship and to a great extent our family.....but every time I would scold him about drinking, when he became sober, we'd patch things up and he'd go out with me, my wife, and my kids.....it was only this last year....when he was seldom sober, that our relationship took a turn for the worst.....but like I've said before, he was sick...his addiction to alcohol had affected his mind, that was a valid excuse.....I, on the other hand, was not sick.....I just couldn't fathom why he allowed himself to be destroyed and to a certain extent, I became arrogant about my stand....so he had an excuse, I didn't....so he was indeed a better man than I ever was.
My children all have good memories about him....but it's probably Niccolo who spent the most time with him....They would play toy guns together, they would put up his basketball ring together....and he proudly displayed some of Niccolo's toys in his room. Several months ago, when he was sober, he spoke to Niccolo and said....."This room will be yours some day, put a fresh coat of paint on it, and draw some awesome dinosaurs on the wall. The past few days, I would find Niccolo in my brother's room, just sitting there....I know he misses him terribly.....When my kids found out that their A-pe or uncle had died, they cried uncontrollably, but a few minutes before the cremation, it was Lizzie who cried the loudest and the longest...as she suddenly recalled their moments together, coloring and watching cartoons....my brother was the most patient when it came to watching cartoons with Lizzie....so when Lizzie was crying she was also saying..."I suddenly realized, that he's not going to come home with us anymore, we're not coloring together anymore.".... Whatever my brother had become due to alcohol, he was always good and caring to my kids.....he was a great and loving uncle.
During this last year, my father had become thinner and weaker, he admits to having a hard time sleeping, because he did not know how to handle my brother's sickness and the effect it had on all of us. He was the one person who never gave up on him....he was the perfect example of the father in the parable of "The Prodigal Son", a father who would never stop loving and accepting his child. ......I know he suffered every time I and my brother would fight....He cried, non-stop, for over an hour when he saw what alcohol had done to my brother.....he tried to find a solution, but..........so during the second night of the wake, right after my eulogy where I cried unabashedly while talking about my brother, my father approached, put his hand on the urn where my brother's ashes were, cried and told me..."Salamat anak!" (Thanks son!) He was probably happy to know that I kept my brother in high regard and that I still loved him.
My brother's threshold for pain was never high. Last year, he was the one who pleaded with us, to bring him to the hospital as he couldn't breath, an apparent hart attack......this time around, we asked him several times, my father even pleading with him, that we would bring him to the hospital, he refused....When I relayed this story to a neighbor, who was very close to my brother, during the wake....he said it must have been due to what he had said to my brother, when he saw him a week before his demise.....he scolded him saying...."You're drunk again, and you have become so thin and you're face is all swollen, and then you're going to brought to the hospital again. Don't you pity your dad and your brother?" Our next door neighbor said, my brother just bowed his head and turned away, and that was the last time he saw him. Perhaps..no, I'm sure, that this time around he decided he was going to be brave and not bother anyone anymore....He truly was my father's son.....his brave and courageous first son.
During the last Mass for my brother celebrated by Father Bernie, Father Bernie said...."Tell your loved ones of your love and express them while they're still alive." That struck all of us....so painfully and so truthfully, me in particular....for just the previous morning....while alone at the wake, I held on to the urn containing my brother's ashes and I spoke to him and said...."If I could only turn back the time.....I wish we hadn't fought so much.....I wish I had been more patient....I wish I had been wiser....I wish I had been more sensitive.....I wish I had told you that no matter what, we'd be brothers.....I wish...I wish.....now, I could only wish!
I have apologized to my brother when he was still alive and even now, I say sorry every day...but I still feel guilty....and this guilt has manifested itself as a lingering back pain....while going down the stairs one day, I spoke about this guilt with my daughter Mary Nicole, and she said..."Dad, it's God's will...He has taken away all of his pain."
I have been saying a Novena and the Rosary for my brother's soul every day...and I don't let a day pass by when I don't whisper "I love you Ahia!"
Father Bernard ended his Mass by asking everyone to bow 3x in honor of my brother. When I thanked him about this, he said..."Everyone deserves to be respected and honored." My brother certainly did deserve it!
DANIEL DE GUZMAN---I have only good memories about him.....I have a lot of regrets.....I learned a lot from him, his life and my life with him.....and I learned about true love from my father's love for him...and I know now in my heart that as brothers, wherever we are...we will always love each other!
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento